Let someone down online dating

Whether you let them know via text or in person, keep your words polite but direct. Straightforward conversations can feel emotionally vulnerable, but showing honesty to your former date is respectful.

This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. Together, they cited information from 12 references. Dealing with Unwanted Dates. When telling someone you're not interested in a second date, you can't beat around the bush. Euphemisms may avoid hurting someone's feelings, but the other person might not pick up on what you're saying.


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  • 10 Ways to Turn Down A Second Date.

I don't think we'd be a great match and don't feel like a second date is best. Treat their feelings with respect. Remember the golden rule: Put yourself in their place, and avoid saying something that would hurt you if someone you liked said it. You don't have to reciprocate their feelings to treat them kindly. Our first date was awful!

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Being liked is flattering, and asking someone out takes courage. Don't purposefully hurt their self-esteem. Give an excuse with no holes, if you give one. While lying is never a good idea, a valid excuse can help explain your disinterest without hurting the other person's feelings.

Shy away from vague excuses like, "Next week is kind of busy" or "I'm not feeling great tonight, sorry. Use "I" statements to put the blame on you, not them. Being turned down puts the person asking in a vulnerable place, and they may feel ashamed or like something's wrong with them. Avoid listing reasons that you aren't attracted to them.

Instead, keep the focus on you using "I" statements. I hope I'm not hurting your feelings. Prepare for a positive or negative response. Depending on their feelings' intensity, they might respond in a variety of ways. Some might accept your response without another thought, but others might feel upset when faced with rejection. Treat their emotions with respect, but stay firm in your response. If they begin to cry, stay calm and ask you how you can help. Do not offer them a date to stop them from crying.

Never turn someone down via another person. I'm only going to remember you if you message me back. The only time I start to get into someone if is we have a couple of messages back and forth and it looks like we might meet, but that's regardless of whether I messaged first or the guy did. I would be really disappointed if I found out someone went on a date with me out of some sort of guilty feeling of obligation.

I message lots of people on dating sites. If every single guy who wasn't into me wrote to explain that I would just cry. Once you've met, it's polite to respond. I hate being ignored when I message someone, so I don't do that to guys that make an honest attempt to reach out to me. I was looking at my OKC inbox last night and realized that over the years I had skipped over a not-small amount of messages Some even from interesting people but maybe not interesting enough to date. Thought it would be fun to write back just for the heck of it.

One thing that doesn't seem so bad to do is to write a short note back, minimal, kind and acknowledging but fail to invite any follow-up by not asking questions. Works for me more often than not, but I might not have OP's natural magnetism. Not very many women in our culture are forward enough to ask for the date themselves for better and for worse usually for worse. If they do, ain't nothing wrong with a straight forward, kind rejection. I'm not interested in that way, you know? Hope you find someone who is!

How to politely decline people on internet dating sites? - etiquette | Ask MetaFilter

The courage to ask is rare and deserves to be nurtured if only for the sake of the next guy who might appreciate the message. The idea that one shouldn't waste one's time or others' time on dates with folks who aren't perfect matches is kind of silly, too. Go out if you want to go out and don't go out if you don't want to go out. Obligations and expectations on first dates are for the birds. I don't believe in ignoring perfectly friendly people, whether in person or online. They're real people, even if it's the internet. However, it's also really important to be as straightforward as possible.

As others have mentioned, saying a clear, polite "No, but thank you. Personally, I would preempt the IRL issue. In your profile, include a one-liner along the lines of, I feel uncomfortable dating people I know through friends so don't take it personally if I don't respond for that reason. This gets you off the hook with the least amount of hurt feelings.

Online Dating Etiquette: Not Interested, Here’s What to Say

It seems super weird to me to messages someone you know in real life on an online dating site. If you already know the person, maybe just That said, I think it would be weird to just ignore a message from someone you know and will be interacting with in the future. For those who have emailed you thus far, I would respond briefly with one of the excellent suggestions above. For the future, I would put a notation on my profile that says something like: Match does, but it doesn't stop the truly persistent. I honestly think you should go with what's most comfortable, OP.

There's a lot of variance between what the other person "might" want, here, and you've stated that you feel uncomfortable just not replying. I do not think you should suck it up and go on dates you don't want to. Rejection sucks, and some people take it more to heart than others. I think "Hey, I don't think we'd be a good romantic match, but let's get together sometime and bitch about how awkward online dating is" or some version thereof is acceptable.

But there are folks out there who are alright with no response, too. There is really nothing you can do to control how people feel about being told "no. I don't recommend doing this for women who have met you offline, because A at some point you may meet or make an acquaintance you might like to get to know in that way; B it can come across as dickish. Take that with how ever many grains of salt you like; and C It likely will not stop anyone nor will it prevent someone from feeling some kind of way about it. If the email seems genuine and personal, I believe you do owe that person the favor of a response.

By going on a dating website and posting a profile, you ARE soliciting people to contact you if they are interested. Ignoring someone is never the polite thing to do, it's just the easiest thing to do and lots of people make that mistake.

But nice people putting themselves out there and taking a shot that you'll be interested? The nicest thing you can do is be nice back, even if it is simply a standard brush-off. But no, you don't owe anyone any more than that. See what people are like and to test your initial judgements.